Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
We often think of gratitude as counting our blessings, but research shows a counterintuitive approach, known as Mental Subtraction of Positive Events, is actually more effective.
Our brain is masterful at adapting to positive experiences, so when something gives us a boost of happiness, we quickly forget that buzz and return to our baseline emotional levels. This phenomenon of adaptation, known as the hedonic treadmill, happens when we reflect on the things we are grateful for, too. The more we think about them, the more familiar they become, inadvertently making our blessings feel ordinary rather than precious.
The holiday classic film It's a Wonderful Life is a perfect example of the power of mental subtraction. George Bailey is shown a world where he was never born, and he becomes grateful for all the banal yet beautiful things in his life he’d be missing. And researchers have shown that this George Bailey Effect is real. In a series of studies, people who imagined the absence of things they cared about reported significantly more positive emotion than those who simply reflected on their presence.
This works in part because of novelty. When we imagine how a positive event or relationship might never have happened, and all the almost-impossible events that converged to make them so, our perspective shifts to seeing what we have as rare rather than commonplace. By vividly contemplating all the people, places, and events that had to occur, all the sliding doors, synchronicities, and ‘what-ifs’ that could have meant we didn’t have what we do now, the ordinariness evaporates. What seemed mundane instead becomes magical.
How to practice mental subtraction:
Choose something positive: Like a person, relationship, achievement, or circumstance in your life that matters a lot to you.
Reimagine the beginning: What circumstances had to align for it to happen? What chance encounters or decisions made it possible? Really visualize it.
Imagine life without it: What would be different? What opportunities wouldn't exist? What kind of person would you be without it?
Feel the contrast: Sit with this imagined absence for a few minutes. Let yourself feel the weight of it.
Return to the present: Notice how you feel now in recognition of the rarity of life’s little gifts.
According to scientists, the mathematical odds of any individual existing are so small they're essentially zero: between 1 in 400 trillion and 1 in 10^2,685,000. Relish the cosmic lottery you’ve won just by being here.
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
Why Earth’s history appears so miraculous: The strange, cosmic reason our evolutionary path will look ever luckier the longer we survive.
What we gain by recognising the role of chance in life: Appreciating the world is random can foster perseverance, gratitude, and empathy.
Watch: Richard Dawkins reads poetry and reflects on the improbability of life: ‘We all can regard ourselves as exquisitely improbable.’
This month, I'm encouraging readers to keep a gratitude journal. But don’t sweat it if that doesn’t resonate with you. Gratitude doesn’t have to be forcing yourself to count your blessings. Instead, just take a moment to recognise the ‘exquisite improbability’ of your life.
With wonder,
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