Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
We’re focusing on gratitude for the month, and I had an aha moment that allowed me to find gratitude in a new way.
In the Buddhist tradition, there are three key concepts known as the Three Marks of Existence: suffering, non-self, and impermanence. I’ll be honest that when I used to hear these ideas, I generally thought, “What a downer.” To me, the notion that life is suffering seemed overly pessimistic, and impermanence — losing what we love — also seemed pretty sucky. I listened to a lecture recently that really reframed these for me, though.
Life is suffering simply means that there is so much noise we put between ourselves and wonder. It’s actually a reminder that life is amazing, even the crappy bits, but as humans we sabotage ourselves from enjoying it. I can’t really argue with that.
But his different take on impermanence really struck me. The speaker said that not only should we not resist impermanence, but we should be grateful for it. Impermanence isn't just about growing old and dying, or relationships ending, or the leaves falling from the trees. It is the root of all creation, too. It is what allows a baby to be born, or a seed to blossom. Art could not be made without impermanence. A blank page would never be filled with words if nothing changed. A sculpture couldn’t take form. We couldn’t heal or find love or learn.
I'm not sure why I've always viewed impermanence as a negative, but this reframing has really helped me see the loss of impermanence as a fundamental part of the gift of life. A reminder that with no mud, there can be no lotus. The cycle of autumnal leaves is the same cycle as spring blossoms.
It’s natural, of course, not to want the things we love to end, but this new perspective has helped remind me that, as there are always endings, there are always beginnings too.
A little exercise to help discover the gratitude in impermanence:
Try meditating on (or just thinking about) a fall leaf, a favourite pet who has crossed the Rainbow Bridge, or a loss you recently experienced. Think of this as the ‘loss cycle’. Consider how it makes you feel.
Now reflect on what the flip side of those losses might be. Think about a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the feeling of falling in love, or the joy of watching your kids grow from little tikes to fully formed people. Think of this as the ‘birth cycle’. How does that make you feel?
Now sit for just a few minutes and consciously link these two cycles. In your mind, call this the ‘gratitude cycle’.
If you feel so inspired, write down your thoughts about this exercise. See if you’re able to link the cycles in your day-to-day life the next time you feel a sense of loss.
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
Gratitude is the mother of all virtues: How it helps your brain for good.
The bookends of time: Nothing lasts forever, but finitude confers an indelible meaning to our lives.
Forgetting is more important than remembering: How losing memories can
For the month of November, I’m encouraging everyone to try some gratitude journaling. For this week’s journal, have a little think on impermanence. How can you turn impermanence from a negative to a positive? Why are you grateful for impermanence?
With wonder,
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