Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
I came across an interview with an author named John Berger. To be honest, I wasn't familiar with his work before, but I was struck by this quote: ‘It seems to me that one of the essential elements in tenderness is that it is a free act, a gratuitous act. It has an enormous amount to do with liberty, with freedom. Because one chooses to be tender, and in a certain sense, in the face of what is surrounding us, it is almost a defiant act of freedom.’
What follows is one of the most tenderly nerdy interviews between Berger and literary critic Michael Silverblatt, who is clearly in awe of Berger, imbuing their interaction with a poignant wonder. I was also touched by how intently Berger listens to and considers Silverblatt’s questions. It’s a bit long, but the quote I mention is in the first few seconds if you want to have a watch.
This notion of tenderness being a defiant act of freedom is so moving to me. We travel through this world so quickly. Consuming, acting, doing. In our haste and our desire, I reckon, to block out the tsunami of negativity fed to us by our technology overlords, we don’t pause enough to allow wonder in. But I fear we also don’t pause enough to practice tenderness. To say the kind thing. To ask how someone is in a way that they know you really want to hear the answer. To listen with such warmth that no words are needed, presence alone being our instrument of compassion.
bell hooks, the feminist author and social justice activist, said something similar: ‘Living as we do in a culture of domination, to choose to love truly is heroic." Tenderness, as a ‘heroic’, ‘gratuitous act’, requires us to exchange our busyness for pause. It also takes a fair bit of vulnerability to act with tenderness. When we commit a tender act, we have to drop our mask, too. Otherwise, it won’t be received. And when tenderness is rejected, it can be wounding. But neuroscience says it is worth the wound, as showing tenderness and altruism to others activates reward centers in the brain and reduces pain perception.
How could you choose tenderness this week? How might you wield tenderness as a weapon of defiance against the systems that encourage us to hate?
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
Join the party of love: Love is not just a feeling given or received, it is an action too. It could be a radical force in politics.
Tenderness as an act of resistance: A tender heart feels the fury and the fear, the sorrow and suffering, the beauty and the bravery alike.
Hearing Otis Redding’s 'Try a Little Tenderness' as a song of resistance:
The quiet, revolutionary power of one of the soul-music legend’s biggest hits.
For the month of November, I’ll be focusing on gratitude and encouraging everyone to keep a gratitude journal. Feel free to start this weekend in preparation for next week’s gratitude-focused Wonderbringers!
With wonder,
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