Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
I am in Atlanta this week, and I passed by a church sign that read, ‘No. Empathy is not a sin. Sigh.’ The author’s exasperation was palpable. Seeing it sent me down a rabbit hole of discovering that there is actually a movement of folks who see empathy as a sin. I’m not sure why or how empathy has become seen as woke or weak, but earlier this year, Elon Musk said on the Joe Rogan podcast that ‘the fundamental weakness of Western civilisation is empathy,’ saying the emotion has been ‘weaponised.’ Since then, the anti-empathy drumbeat has been growing louder.
Musk and others like him argue that empathy is a cudgel, guilting people into empathetic decision-making at the expense of societal survival, suggesting that giving in to empathy is “committing civilizational suicide.”
Others, like Paul Bloom, the author of Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion, argue that empathy is detrimental to us and our families, as sometimes the most loving or responsible decision can inflict pain. Empathy is also prone to bias, in that we often grant it to those only in our in-group (as shown in David Eagleman’s fascinating research).
Bloom suggests compassion is a better avenue than empathy. Whereas empathy requires us to feel the emotions of another as if they were our own, compassion observes the emotion and compels the observer to transform their feeling into some sort of helpful action, moving from ‘I feel your pain’ to ‘How can I alleviate your pain?’
Given that most global security experts say it’s not empathy, but rather its complete opposite, polarisation, that is one of the greatest threats to humanity, I can soundly reject the notion that empathy will lead to societal collapse. However, I am intrigued by Bloom’s nuance between empathy and compassion. Empathy fatigue is real, and we know that coming to someone’s aid is a great resilience tool, so how can we shift from empathy to compassion?
Loving-kindness meditation: Compassion-based meditation helps us cultivate a mindset that recognises suffering but helps us shift from empathic distress to a more sustainable support.
Outcome Over Emotion: Shift focus from feeling the suffering of others to actively seeking ways to relieve it or improve the other person’s circumstances.
Model self-compassion (a.k.a. “You can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm” or “Put your own mask on before helping others”): Offer meaningful assistance without sacrificing your own well-being, making your compassion deeper and more effective.
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
How to Cultivate Global Compassion: Learn how to extend compassion beyond our circle of family and friends.
What Happened to Empathy? We have become inured to human suffering.
Are you already dreaming of next summer’s travels? I’d love you to join me on an all-women Power of Wonder tour of Nice and Provence, coming in May 2026! Check out this incredible itinerary from my friend and travel provider, Kyle Campbell of Sudden Journeys.
With wonder,
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