Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
Apparently, moving house is one of the top emotional stressors we can experience, second only to the death of a family member and greater than a divorce. As someone who has moved quite a few times and done so across the country and across the globe, I find there are two kinds of movers. Those who dump everything into boxes, figuring they’ll sort it when it arrives, and those who try to prune as they go. The former was my preferred manner of moving until my big move from the States to Belfast many years ago. On that move I had to be more aggressive in my approach, as I had a weight limit, and so every item involved a decision — stay or go. (You really decide how much you love your book collection when you are paying by the pound to ship them!)
I’ve since adopted the prune-as-you-go method for subsequent moves. Of course, it takes so much time, as I find myself reminiscing and going down memory lane about each and every bit and bob. It got me thinking about our “things” and why they matter.
I read a book many years ago called The Things They Carried. It is a war memoir of the author Tim O’Brien and his time in Vietnam. He used the mementoes people chose to carry with them through battle as a device to tell the stories of the soldiers. The book resurfaced in my mind as I was sorting the remnants and remains of ten years in a home.
Why and how do we choose the things we carry? Of course, this can have a metaphorical or philosophical bent — the joys and fears, the stories, the memories we carry — but what about the actual stuff we choose to surround ourselves with?
Living in European cities, my home is smaller than most suburban dwellers and certainly smaller than the majority of American homes. It feels that wherever space we have, we seem to fill (also a metaphorical bent there too, perhaps?), and so I rather like my small dwellings. Less to fret over.
Given the deaths in my family the past year, I have become particularly interested in the idea of Swedish death cleaning, or what’s known as döstädning. It is a movement where we rid ourselves of life's detritus before passing away, lessening the burden of those who might have to clean up behind us. It is giving me additional impetus to not only pare but also pass on. Sharing heirlooms now with the next generation rather than waiting for a probate court to do it for me.
It used to be that when you asked people what they would grab first in a house fire, it was the sentimental objects that topped the list — photos, heirlooms, the like — but now digital items top the list. I’m not sure how to feel about that. I think I’d grab a particular piece of artwork that I cherish, and perhaps a meaningful tchotchke or two. But I’d like to believe that if all those I loved were safe, I’d pretty quickly wipe the slate clean and start over. (Or at least I’m trying to become that person.)
A reflection for you this week: What are the “things” you carry? What thing would you grab first in a fire? What thing burdens you? Do your things define you? Most importantly, why?
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
Listen: Hidden Brain podcast: Why we hold on to things.
Do our possessions define us?: The transitory nature of all things applies to partners as well as iPads.
What our stuff says about us: Social psychologist Sam Gosling on our “identity claims,” “feeling regulators,” and “unconscious behavioral residue.”
Wishing you and yours a wonderfilled twinkly season!
With wonder,
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