Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers!
I returned just yesterday from a visit to Atlanta for my aunt’s memorial. It was poignant and beautiful. She might have preferred something a bit more raucous as she wanted us to truly celebrate her life, but we were all so bereft at the loss of her light that we needed the chance to express it mournfully, more as succour for ourselves than for her.
Everyone loved her so much and had stories of such beauty and tenderness that I almost questioned for a moment if perhaps she didn’t love me as much as I loved her. So many people were in her orbit who lived close by and visited frequently —how could I have possibly stood out? I’ve been gone to Europe for more than a decade and only saw her about once a year. Perhaps her heart was crowded with all those nearby, that I was only a small dust mote dancing in her light, feeling her warmth so keenly but practically invisible to her. But then I remember that love doesn’t work that way. And she had a seemingly endless capacity for love, for being so giving and present in those precious few moments we shared through the years.
I’ve had a bit of a crisis of faith lately. Unsure if there is anything else beyond this corporeal existence. But since she has passed, I have had these moments — little inklings from beyond — that feel so much like magical missives from her. Maybe they are just my brain’s way of comforting itself, but I want so badly for it to believe as she did — that she is still with us in spirit and is now complete, reunited with her missing piece of a husband, and free of pain.
Grief is a measure of love but also regret. Of things said and unsaid. I have had some regret that I didn’t have a ‘final’ meeting with her. We want to have that big moment to express our thoughts, but really, our life is the total of the small moments of expression, the small kindnesses we exchange. At the memorial, they read a poem called Small Kindnesses, which I’ll read to you below. My breath stuck in my throat as I heard it because I recall her sharing it with me not so long ago. She lived her life trying to deliver small kindnesses to people every day. My goal to honour her is to try and do the same, and to hold my grief as a source of joy.
I am so lucky to have had such an open, loving, curious soul contribute to who I am. She revealed to me a wonderfilled world hidden beneath a veneer of suburban simplicity. She showed me that proximity and blood are not what make family. Rather, choice, love and constancy do. But perhaps most importantly, she taught me that presence is the greatest gift we can give to one another. As we enter this period of gift-giving, I hope you’ll consider that lesson as well.
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
It’s time to let the Five Stages of Grief die: They are ingrained in our cultural consciousness but it turns out it was never meant to apply to the bereaved.
Watch Nora McInerny’s TED Talk: We don't "move on" from grief, we move forward with it. (And listen to her her podcast Terrible, Thanks for Asking)
2 in 5 people say their grief worsens at the holidays: 10 Top Tips For Navigating Holiday Grief And Stress In 2024.
Want to listen to something uplifting? Check out my chat with Beth Bonness on her Thought Echoes podcast. And need a last-minute holiday gift? The Power of Wonder is on sale on ‘that mega-site’, or you can also buy it from your local bookstore.
With wonder,
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