Wonderbringers Newsletter with Monica Parker
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Hello Wonderseekers,
This week, I've had to deal with four canceled/diverted/rescheduled flights. Managing the changes is maddening. Meetings moved, car services informed, new routes calculated. For example, injust a few hours, I’ll be running the gauntlet of arriving at London City Airport, traveling home to Regents Park to pack for the week of conferences ahead, and then heading to Heathrow for my flight to Belfast. All with exactly three hours from (planned) landing to the next (planned) take-off. (Straw poll: will Monica make it??)
Let’s be honest. These are insignificant problems when compared to the state of so many who are struggling. But thatperspective still doesn’t make it any less stressful in the moment. Why do we get so bent out of shape when plans don’t go to plan?
Because I’ll be in transit all day today, there’s no video (another unexpected change in plans!) But below are a few ideas about why we struggle with changes in plans (even silly little ones) and how to manage them.
First, change is hard because, evolutionarily, we aren’t used to change at the level we encounter daily. 3000 years ago, life was pretty consistent, and we adapted to changes very slowly. When changes happened suddenly, paying close attention to them was usually amatter of survival. Our world has evolved to contain so many variations, but our brain has not caught up. So we now have a double whammy of cognitive inertia and decision fatigue that stresses our noggins. And as our brains age, this cognitive inertia becomes even more acute.
Also, we feel a sense of loss when plans change — lost time if we spent a lot of energy planning; lost opportunity if the change means that we missed out on something. Experience and expectation are linked. (It’s why the placebo effect works.) So even if we haven’t actually lost anything, there is a sense we have because we have lost our expectation of what the experience would be. the uncertainty of having to recreate a new‘ future experience’ is more anxiety-provoking.
So, how can we better manage changes in plans? First, plan for the change. As you imagine alternative scenarios, you are linking multiple potential experiences to your expectations. So rather than freaking out when your luggage gets lost, it becomes like achoose-your-own-adventure. You envisioned it already, so less stress.
Second, find the silver linings. For example, my canceled flight meant one less night in a hotel. Don’t catastrophize. Try tosee some glimmer of brightness about the situation.
Lastly, be a bit more philosophical, a.k.a: go with the flow. Impermanence is a lifelong skill that benefits us all when big and small plans don’t go as expected. Try to gain perspective on the change and decide if it’s worth the mental energy to be truly vexed.
Some deep breathing (and a glass of wine) helps too.
Some wonderbringers for me this week:
In honor of the Tonys: This is Your Brain on Shakespeare.
Listen: How Did Altruism Evolve?
How to have a conversation with a whale: Scientists have a 20-minute "conversation" with a humpback whale named Twain.
Hope to see many of you in Ireland this week at either with Adoreboard or at the Investher Summit!
And check out my chat with Joe Hirsch from I Wish They Knew podcast, where he asked me to share the one big idea I wish folks knew about wonder. Enjoy!
With wonder,
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